I'll be the first to admit I'm avoiding the news surrounding the 10th anniversary of 9/11. On MSNBC there seems to be unending loop of George Bush looking stupid and/or rationalizing why we went into Iraq. Both of which seem unfair. I'm not saying there's not a debate to be had about whether we should or should not have gone into Iraq while we were in the middle of avenging ourselves in Afghanistan...but I think it's a lot more complicated than what the press seems intent on portraying today.
What I do know is that I'm the only one I know who has read every UN Treaty on Iraq and there isn't a single country that didn't believe that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction. And every sanction that was imparted was ignored. I am also convinced that whatever weapons might have existed were removed, destroyed or buried before we ever entered that country and we knew it before Colin Powell stepped foot on the stage at the UN - leaving me to believe that George Bush threw Colin Powell under the bus for an invasion, occupation and war that could have been rationalized under much better circumstances. Who among us would have denied our troops the authorization to enter and overthrow a dictator that was systematically killing its own people no differently than Hitler did in the 40's? Who here isn't justifying Obama's insurgence into Libya for the same reason? Who here doesn't think we should have done more in Somalia? Or any number of a dozen countries slaughtering their people to this day? Who can say if our 'proactive' approach into Iraq wasn't the start of the Arab Spring?
I doubt any of these questions can be answered with any legitimacy by anyone. It's been a crazy ten years. Ten Years! At this time ten years ago I was married just a few months. At 6:30 a.m., Pacific Time, I was awakened by a phone call from my bosses wife telling me to turn on the television. She wasn't sure if we were being bombed or what...but she knew we were under attack and that I should turn on the news.
As the information poured in over the next several hours and days I became increasingly overwhelmed. By the sadness, by the rage, by the confusion. I hadn't paid enough attention is world history in high school (not that I think it was discussed) to understand why we we under attack by some weird Middle Eastern group called Al Queda. And my poor ex-husband was so under the influence of heroin the previous 10 years that he didn't realize that George W. Bush was the second Bush serving as President of the United States. He had vague recollections...just enough for me to realize I was married to the wrong man.
So this time, ten years ago, while the country was in an emotional state of flux - so was I. I have oddly considered the horrible acts imparted upon this country the best day of my life. While I surrendered to sleepwalking through the last few years of my life, I was at least somehow moving forward. In the three years leading up to 9/11 I wasn't sleepwalking so much as moving forward in a dark tunnel with blind folds on. I didn't want to acknowledge in any way that I was on the wrong path and if I just kept moving, I would see the end of that tunnel. Bin Laden and his plans was that light.
In the early morning light of September 11th, 2001 - the lives of over 3000 people passed before my eyes. I continually asked myself how many of them forgot to say "I love you" to those they loved. I wondered how many of them intended to do more with their lives 'when they had the time'. I was forced to ask myself what would I have done differently in my life if I had known I would die in a top floor office on a random day of a random year for some unknown random reason.
And so I commenced upon a plan of action to address that question. I sure as hell wouldn't be married to a drug addict who didn't even realize that G. W. was the son of G. H. W. Bush. I certainly would want the distinction of being a college grad. and I most definitely wanted to be considered a better human being than I thought I was at the time.
I know that ten years later I have achieved at least those goals. There are more goals to accomplish - but those are pretty great. Even my petty goal to have a smaller number flash upon the scale can't compare to those other three. But it's pretty awesome to see I'm half-way there on that count too. I've lost 60 pounds since January and am off all meds outside of vitamin supplements. That's pretty freakin' amazing.
Even more amazing is the realization that I am the daughter I was raised to be. When my father was diagnosed with cancer and needed surgery, it didn't take me but a second to realize I needed to go home. Taking care of parents, which more and more of us have to do, is part of the obligation of being in a family. And I am so grateful not to resent that obligation. Is it hard? Yes! Are there resentments built into that obligation? Yes. Would I trade that resentment/obligation for abdication? No. My parents continued to love and care for me when I was the least likeable person I know. It was time to repay the debt.
And for all of you who offered your prayers, support, and assistance...they were rewarded. My Dad's surgery went well and the pathology reports indicate that as far as the prostate cancer is concerned...he's cured. No chemo, no radiation needed. We still have the partial kidney to contend with a few months from now - but for the moment, we are celebrating this small victory.
It is my hope and prayer that I will continue to grow, achieve goals, and evolve into an even better human being over the next ten years...and it wouldn't hurt my feelings at all for those in Washington to do the same. Otherwise, Al Queda will have won after all.
C-
p.s. On another, less somber day...remind me to recount the brain-burning recollection of my father's decision to remove his own catheter...and my attempt to keep that horrible situation from recurring...much to my mother's chagrin and embarrassment.
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