T-30

So about 30 days from now I'm expecting to freak out.  I've jumped through all the hoops and filled out all the paperwork to go through bariatric surgery.  They will laparoscopically  take my football size stomach and reduce it to the size of oh...let's say a tennis ball.

At the moment, I'm excited.  I can only envision the boys, the bras, the clothes, and let's face it...the sex!

I've had my blood drawn, my weight measured, by breathing tested, and my head shrunk - all to ensure I don't have overblown ideas about what this surgery can do for me. Believe it or not, they decided I'm not crazy.  And after ten fucking years of therapy, I hope to God not.

It's Easter in two days.  I think it's worthwhile to note.  I was baptized on Easter morning.  I've been asking God to give me the strength, courage, and will to change my outer self to match what I (and others) see as my inner self.  I have learned to love myself as I am, forgive those who helped create my current self, and am finally ready to cleave myself from my past.  It's so hard, in today's political climate to thank Jesus without sounding like a political nut...but I will not deny my faith in him and the people he has put in my life for the ability to face my demons and take on this exciting and frightening journey.  As He rises from the dead this season, I hope I can rise above the Krazy of my own life - trusting He will be there to listen when I want to give up.